I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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