We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
