I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
