you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
