why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
We left the knife in your bed.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
