The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Randomize
