I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
We had to coat check the pizza.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
