Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
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i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
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Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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