saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
