Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
