Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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