OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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