I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
