she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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