Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
