When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
