I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
