the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
