You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
