I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
