I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
