No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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