When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
