maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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