i permit you to call me
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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