Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i will never coherently bang her
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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