If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
