Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
She told me I should be a condom model.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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