We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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