at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
