Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
We have started to decorate penises.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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