I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
