Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
