Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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