Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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