so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
NoShamevember. You game?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
