dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
