I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I need a burrito and a hug.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Randomize
