If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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