If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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