guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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