Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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