how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
