I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
