so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
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I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
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Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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