I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
