I accidentally had phone sex last night
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
