I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
