Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
