I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
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doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
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Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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