She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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