The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
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