I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Houston, we have a squirter
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
