She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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