so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
