my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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