the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
