i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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