you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
COCAINE IS GR8
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize