OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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