I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Jerry, you need to find god
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
