Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
