I could make wine with my vomit
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
