I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
