a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
