i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
