they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
