and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
