did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
