Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
