Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
